Bailing out

Okay, an update on the horrid job. So I’m at the 6 month mark now. My appraisal is coming up, though my boss has not mentioned it, and I am not mentioning it. I’m guessing she might not want to talk about it until the project I’m on has been launched successfully next month in May. I’ve only had to cry once since the last time. Lol.

But anyway, I’ve made up my mind a couple of weeks ago to resign. My last button was pushed, so to speak, when she told me she announced that I was to be her “right hand”, and help her oversee her other projects. In other words, I’ll be her assistant, meant to be at her beck and call. And the worst of it came when she mentioned that she wanted to train me to be a good secretary.

OMG. I was flummoxed. A secretary?! Is that really all I can do?! I didn’t take up the job because I wanted to organize shit for people. I’m the type of person who needs someone to keep -me- organized!

Seriously. Enough is enough. Everyone assumes I can learn shitloads because of who my boss is, but the truth is, she micromanages so damn much, anything you’re learning you’re absorbing from the emails all over her desk and from her conversations. And really, why do you even care about knowing what’s going on when you’re never going to be part of those projects ever?

And even though I’m supposedly project coordinator over one of the projects, I’m not allowed to give any input, or give any feedback on anything. I’m told I’m too new, I don’t know anything, etc. I’m supposed to go to meetings and keep my mouth shut. I feel very distant from what I’m supposedly in charge of. I’m just doing stupid clerical (secretarial) duties that anyone can do. And being told to do things and not being able to question anything? It drives me up the wall. I’m not entirely sure how she expects me to learn if I can’t question anything.

So last week, when my boss was on her week-long business trip, I went to talk to the HR manager to see what my options are. I wrote to him asking about possible openings in the company and he told me to come over and see him. So HR was trying to tell me to stay till I pass my probation so that I can ask for a transfer. But the thing is, we’re not sure my boss will even approve a transfer, as she has a reputation of not letting people transfer (unless she’s trying to get rid of them). Most of the time, she forces you to quit since you can’t get out otherwise. HR could possibly arrange for a transfer without my passing my probation first, but it still needs my boss’ approval.

So in other words, my HR is useless. And in truth, no one will probably dare to take me in if my boss decides to be against my transfer. She’s that annoying/powerful/scary that no one wants to ruin relationships with her by offending her. It ended up being an hour long chat with where I was given a bit of advice, and where we looked at my options, so that I know what will happen if I do quit. Cos it will look pretty bad on my resume that I quit in 6 months. But well, it’s a risk I’m willing to take, even with the  job market being as bad as it is. HR is nice, but it’s just bad that they’re so utterly powerless. There aren’t any openings suitable for me at this time either. HR was trying to advise me to stay on till I get another job offer, but I said I didn’t want to be tied down for three months if my boss does passes my probation in the coming months. In the end, it was decided that I should just talk to my boss about a transfer and see how that ends up. No promises from HR, as expected, but at least my current position is known.

After that, the next day, I went and talked to my ex-boss from another department. I did a short 2-month part time stint with her a couple of years back. She was the one who pushed for my boss to take me in when I sent in my resume, cos we both assumed that the position I was in for, I would be transferred to my ex-boss eventually. Cos even when I was interviewed by my boss, I was told I’d be transferred away. And I was cheated! Cos my crazy boss liked me, she kept me while everyone else was transferred away. ToT I would have thought a lot harder, and held on a lot longer instead of accept the job under my current boss if I had known things would turn out this way. Heck, HR keeps bringing up the fact that they all thought I should have waited instead of agreed to accept the position with my boss. *makes a face* It had to be the worst decision I’ve made -ever-.

So yeah, I was trying not to cry when my ex-boss asked me what’s up. She wanted to know why I wanted to quit. She was like, “Is it really that bad? Can you try to explain to me so that I can try to help you out?”  So I told her that my boss is just crazy, has no respect for anyone, and is just horrible. I am frustrated that I’m not learning as much as I could be. And I am sick of being in an environment that is so negative, and demotivating. Cos even if she’s not scolding me over something minor, she’s berating the two boys helping her out with her filing. Hearing someone being told -every- day how useless they are, how -stupid- they are, is really bad for me. I can’t take that negativity. And it’s worse when our boss knows they’re not good at what they’re doing, yet she stubbornly thinks scolding them and telling them they’re useless everyday will help them improve.

Back on topic, long story short, my ex-boss told me to tell my boss I want to do sales. She advised me to try not to offend my boss when talking to her, etc, so that we can still maintain good relations, etc. She said if I am able to transfer, then she’ll take me in and think of something else for me. (She’s totally awesome, really.)

So yeah, I’ve got a script written up, and I just have to hope I don’t mess up when talking to my boss. She’s only been back for a few days and it’s been a tough three days. -_- The only reason I’m holding on right now, and still able to be really positive when everyone around me is all doom and gloom is the thought that I’ve already decided I’m getting out of there no matter what the outcome of my talk with her. It’s like a damn weight has been lifted off my shoulders with my decision to quit.

I’ve become an emotional wreck cos of my boss. I can’t talk about her, my job and how bad I feel about everything to anyone without tearing up. -_- Hell, seriously, I’m sure I’ll have a nervous breakdown eventually, so yeah, good decision to throw in the towel, even though a part of me wants to hang on because I feel like such a quitter. -_-

I’m hoping to talk to my boss in the next couple of days before she goes on leave. *crosses fingers hard* I would really like to remain in my current company as I enjoy being part of a bigger organization rather than a small private firm. Wish me luck!! She’ll definitely try to convince me to stay on with her cos it’ll be good for my career, etc etc, but it’s not worth my mental wellbeing. I really hope I can get a transfer!

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