The Beginnings of a Planner

All right, so one of my buddies has gotten into the whole midori travel journal craze. It made me dig up my old organizer (filofax personal size) and look through it. XD Gosh. I spent a lot of time on that thing. I made my own dividers, put up boyband profile pages, photo pages of myself (I used to be so vain as a teenager!) and what not. Gosh. I never threw it away as those pictures I cut up and pasted on the pages are the only copies of the originals. ^_^;

Here’s a peak of my old organizer pages:

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The sun shines again!

We have finally journeyed to the end of the proverbial tunnel!

I got another job offer, resigned and now working with a new employer! =D I finally moved on last month in October. Got cheated out of staying longer (giving longer notice than required) for -nothing- at my old job. Stupid HR. I got nothing out of my old job except for a month’s worth of leave where I did nothing but put on weight. I had to start at my new job in October, which means I missed being eligible for being appraised and being eligible for bonus since I couldn’t start in September. *pouts*

I actually managed to stay at my old confidence-destroying-mental-breakdown-inducing job for a whole year! (Inclusive of the three month’s notice required.) Woo hoo! Truly an accomplishment to people in the know. I’m almost two months into my new job now and I -love- it!! Gosh. *_* Being left to work on your own, having a boss who will actually take time to listen, and who will advise you without making you feel like an idiot is so -awesome-. I seriously have no words to describe how much better I feel every day. =D Anytime someone asks “how’s the new job?” I’m just all -smiles-. I almost wish I could smile -wider- to show how much happier I am. =D Hahaha.

The new job itself is challenging, in a way. Challenging the way most auditors find it challenging — the dealing with people, the pressure of hoping you don’t miss anything while you’re performing a check, the deadlines you have to meet. Otherwise, it’s rather monotonous. It’s actually a job in a field I’ve been interested in after my short internship at EY, so I’m really happy with where I am now. I don’t foresee myself looking for something else until I get really bored, or feel that I am not going anywhere in the next few years. *crosses fingers*

I know that there are people who aren’t too happy with my new employe: lack of benefits, lack of a healthy performance bonus annually, etc. But gosh. I don’t know if I can complain when all I can think about is the hell I got out of. Hahaha. I swear, my old job has been an invaluable experience. It’s like I can appreciate the non-monetary things better. Money isn’t everything, an adage I am truly living after giving up a performance bonus that might have been in the 9k range in order to gain mental wellbeing. Regrets? Not a smidgen. XD

My main goal is to learn as much as I can, make myself invaluable (hopefully) and try to make sure my performance can be measured at the end of the year. But so far, I can’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else for now. =D

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Bailing out

Okay, an update on the horrid job. So I’m at the 6 month mark now. My appraisal is coming up, though my boss has not mentioned it, and I am not mentioning it. I’m guessing she might not want to talk about it until the project I’m on has been launched successfully next month in May. I’ve only had to cry once since the last time. Lol.

But anyway, I’ve made up my mind a couple of weeks ago to resign. My last button was pushed, so to speak, when she told me she announced that I was to be her “right hand”, and help her oversee her other projects. In other words, I’ll be her assistant, meant to be at her beck and call. And the worst of it came when she mentioned that she wanted to train me to be a good secretary.

OMG. I was flummoxed. A secretary?! Is that really all I can do?! I didn’t take up the job because I wanted to organize shit for people. I’m the type of person who needs someone to keep -me- organized!

Seriously. Enough is enough. Everyone assumes I can learn shitloads because of who my boss is, but the truth is, she micromanages so damn much, anything you’re learning you’re absorbing from the emails all over her desk and from her conversations. And really, why do you even care about knowing what’s going on when you’re never going to be part of those projects ever?

And even though I’m supposedly project coordinator over one of the projects, I’m not allowed to give any input, or give any feedback on anything. I’m told I’m too new, I don’t know anything, etc. I’m supposed to go to meetings and keep my mouth shut. I feel very distant from what I’m supposedly in charge of. I’m just doing stupid clerical (secretarial) duties that anyone can do. And being told to do things and not being able to question anything? It drives me up the wall. I’m not entirely sure how she expects me to learn if I can’t question anything.

So last week, when my boss was on her week-long business trip, I went to talk to the HR manager to see what my options are. I wrote to him asking about possible openings in the company and he told me to come over and see him. So HR was trying to tell me to stay till I pass my probation so that I can ask for a transfer. But the thing is, we’re not sure my boss will even approve a transfer, as she has a reputation of not letting people transfer (unless she’s trying to get rid of them). Most of the time, she forces you to quit since you can’t get out otherwise. HR could possibly arrange for a transfer without my passing my probation first, but it still needs my boss’ approval.

So in other words, my HR is useless. And in truth, no one will probably dare to take me in if my boss decides to be against my transfer. She’s that annoying/powerful/scary that no one wants to ruin relationships with her by offending her. It ended up being an hour long chat with where I was given a bit of advice, and where we looked at my options, so that I know what will happen if I do quit. Cos it will look pretty bad on my resume that I quit in 6 months. But well, it’s a risk I’m willing to take, even with the  job market being as bad as it is. HR is nice, but it’s just bad that they’re so utterly powerless. There aren’t any openings suitable for me at this time either. HR was trying to advise me to stay on till I get another job offer, but I said I didn’t want to be tied down for three months if my boss does passes my probation in the coming months. In the end, it was decided that I should just talk to my boss about a transfer and see how that ends up. No promises from HR, as expected, but at least my current position is known.

After that, the next day, I went and talked to my ex-boss from another department. I did a short 2-month part time stint with her a couple of years back. She was the one who pushed for my boss to take me in when I sent in my resume, cos we both assumed that the position I was in for, I would be transferred to my ex-boss eventually. Cos even when I was interviewed by my boss, I was told I’d be transferred away. And I was cheated! Cos my crazy boss liked me, she kept me while everyone else was transferred away. ToT I would have thought a lot harder, and held on a lot longer instead of accept the job under my current boss if I had known things would turn out this way. Heck, HR keeps bringing up the fact that they all thought I should have waited instead of agreed to accept the position with my boss. *makes a face* It had to be the worst decision I’ve made -ever-.

So yeah, I was trying not to cry when my ex-boss asked me what’s up. She wanted to know why I wanted to quit. She was like, “Is it really that bad? Can you try to explain to me so that I can try to help you out?”  So I told her that my boss is just crazy, has no respect for anyone, and is just horrible. I am frustrated that I’m not learning as much as I could be. And I am sick of being in an environment that is so negative, and demotivating. Cos even if she’s not scolding me over something minor, she’s berating the two boys helping her out with her filing. Hearing someone being told -every- day how useless they are, how -stupid- they are, is really bad for me. I can’t take that negativity. And it’s worse when our boss knows they’re not good at what they’re doing, yet she stubbornly thinks scolding them and telling them they’re useless everyday will help them improve.

Back on topic, long story short, my ex-boss told me to tell my boss I want to do sales. She advised me to try not to offend my boss when talking to her, etc, so that we can still maintain good relations, etc. She said if I am able to transfer, then she’ll take me in and think of something else for me. (She’s totally awesome, really.)

So yeah, I’ve got a script written up, and I just have to hope I don’t mess up when talking to my boss. She’s only been back for a few days and it’s been a tough three days. -_- The only reason I’m holding on right now, and still able to be really positive when everyone around me is all doom and gloom is the thought that I’ve already decided I’m getting out of there no matter what the outcome of my talk with her. It’s like a damn weight has been lifted off my shoulders with my decision to quit.

I’ve become an emotional wreck cos of my boss. I can’t talk about her, my job and how bad I feel about everything to anyone without tearing up. -_- Hell, seriously, I’m sure I’ll have a nervous breakdown eventually, so yeah, good decision to throw in the towel, even though a part of me wants to hang on because I feel like such a quitter. -_-

I’m hoping to talk to my boss in the next couple of days before she goes on leave. *crosses fingers hard* I would really like to remain in my current company as I enjoy being part of a bigger organization rather than a small private firm. Wish me luck!! She’ll definitely try to convince me to stay on with her cos it’ll be good for my career, etc etc, but it’s not worth my mental wellbeing. I really hope I can get a transfer!

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Surviving

Ergh. I hate my job. Okay, no, the job itself is fine. I hate my boss. Maybe hate is too strong a word, cos at times, she seems like a decent person, though most of the time, she seems like a hellion who likes raising her “children” asian-style: degrading you, making you feel incompetent, comparing you with someone else to show you how lousy your work is, telling you to your face you’re a disappointment… You know, the whole “tough love” kinda shit our “loving” family can give you when in truth, it just makes you feel like you’re never good enough. She’s hard on you when she expects you to be doing better. So in a way, her giving you shit is her showing you she knows you can do a lot better.

But half the time, all it does is make me feel annoyed, frustrated, and most of the time, I can’t even be bothered to really put in any effort at all. Especially when it feels like all the effort, all your attempts are never good enough. Doesn’t help when she keeps changing her mind over what she wants, so one day you’re okay, a couple of weeks down the road, you’re stupid.

I mean, I’m made to feel incompetent just because I don’t draft emails the way she expects them to be drafted. -_- At one point, I even started questioning myself, asking myself if I’ve always been incompetent, but no one told me to my face. -_- Yeah, we’re talking about confidence gained from years of work experience almost being utterly destroyed. *sigh*

She even made me break down and cry over something that was totally unimportant and isn’t even my job to do. (Yeah, so I was feeling shitty as hell that day, and my boss had already made me feel useless because she wouldn’t even let me edit a letter she’d already drafted — all I needed to do was remove and add paragraph breaks! And then she started on me for not doing something totally insignificant properly and wouldn’t even listen when I tried to explain that it wasn’t me, but her who caused the discrepancy — I even had a witness, who didn’t dare to speak up! Ergh. So yeah, I was given shit, and was already feeling like crap, so I just walked out and went to cry in the bathroom. Stupidly, I didn’t cry myself out, and walked out after a bit. But my boss calls me in to show me again that it was my fault the thing wasn’t done properly — when it fucking wasn’t! — and yeah, so I went out again, and locked myself in the bathroom and this time, took ages to cry till I really felt better. Haha. -_- Utterly shitty day, really. Usually, I’d have raised my voice and defended myself, and then kept my mouth and anger restrained till my boss is done berating me. Lol. Yeah, it’s how I manage and deal with her usually. XD

But yeah, nothing I do is right. I can’t contribute meaningfully at my job because I’m “don’t know anything” since I’m new. I can’t raise questions (about my boss’ methods or understanding of certain topcs). I’m expected to follow like sheep and do whatever I’m told to do. It’s hard. I’ve been used to being treated as an equal at work. Where questions and other viewpoints are encouraged and discussed. Currently all I feel half the time is like I’m a secretary or PA.

Definitely wish I could get hired elsewhere, and I know I should be sending out resumes again. But the current market is so depressing, with the local Citibank closing, other international banks also closing or minimising, it’s tough to even be called out for an interview. T_T I tell myself that I just need to stay a year to be able to earn enough to pay the more important portion of my study loan back, and then I can consider other companies (and maybe a lower pay). But I’ll be stuck giving three months’ notice if I stay that long. And considering the competition out there, companies might not want to wait three months to take you in when they might need someone soon. T_T Ergh.

Wish me luck. ToT I’ve been in 3.5 months already. Have raised my voice some times, been told I’m useless a few times, and have only broken down once. Lol. Still doing good I guess. XD

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A new chapter

It’s been a long while, but I finally got the urge to update.

I’ve graduated! My graduation ceremony is next year in April and I can’t wait! =D

But even so, the next chapter of my life has begun! =) I was hired at the beginning of the month. The salary isn’t as high as I was expecting, but higher than what I had been afraid of being offered. I’m working with a -very- demanding boss who requires perfection from her staff, but I think it’s going to be rather interesting. And heck, if I can work with her for more than a year (or two or three), it’ll look pretty damn good on my resume, I think. =) And in truth, heck, if my boss actually likes me and the way I work, it’s really going to help a whole lot in giving me more exposure in the company.

I kinda am looking forward to staying at my job, and I can foresee opportunities to learn a lot, but with a debt that will take years to pay off, I am also hoping that some other company might be interested in my and can offer me a lot more than what I’m being offered. But job offers haven’t been forthcoming, and the company that is hiring me was the only one very interested in me in the 2-3 months that I’ve been waiting. So for now, I don’t have to think of the pros and cons of staying at my current job. =)

I survived my first week, and haven’t been given a lot of do yet, but I’m guessing I’ll be given tasks soon enough.

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Work and the such…

It’s been so long, I think I should give an update. *laughs*

I had a whole long post written about the place I’m interning at and will probably post it eventually. But to cut the long story short, I am working at supposedly one of the Big Four accounting firms in the world (though the rep now doesn’t exactly inspire the awe it might have years back in light of all the stuff against accounting and auditing firms in the past some years). But yeah, I supposedly am working in the local branch of one of the Big Four (there’s a localised version of the main website and all), but the employees themselves are in doubt about it being a local branch. Heck, I am in doubt and anyone employed by the other branches around the world will probably be in doubt too. The gist of it is, the company pays its employees a salary lower than banks would, but even lower than other large private firms would. There are almost no benefits; no bonuses (unless you’re one of those people who think your deserved 13th month salary is a ‘bonus’). They will pay your way if you decide to do ACCA or CPA, but other than that, personally, the benefits are basic to the utmost and work culture is crap. *_* Gah. I promised to leave it to my other post, but yeah. Ergh.

The starting pay is _really_ low. It’s like a few hundred below what we’d almost assumed was the lowest a degree holder should expect, and gee, just a few hundred more than what I was earning as a clerk. *_* I had thought to consider auditing as my next career step after I graduate, but with the low salary, and the fact that I have loans to pay which will take most of my salary for the next some years, I do not have the leisure of considering any jobs that aren’t almost 2k a month. -_- Especially not if I intend to still live comfortably while paying off by debts. Work-wise, the company is good, cos they don’t encourage doing OT (unheard of when it comes to being in an accounting/auditing firm), but everything else is really ergh. T_T

I’ve been working for two months now, earning the uber low pay interns get, and feeling totally unmotivated, especially now that I know I no longer want to be in this field. XD But the work is not too bad, and the younger colleagues are also pretty neat. =D And being in and out of the different companies while auditing them is _awesome_. I get to see a glimpse of what the work culture is like in those companies and it’s helping me quite a bit in deciding what I might want to do six months down the road after I graduate. Gulp. Hard to belief I only have six more months left to go. Eeps.

I’ve been worried about my working life after graduating. It’s the money, actually, that’s worrying. Hahaha. Not surprising since after being able to stay away from doll stuff for the past few years, I had to take a look (I’m sending Razkil’s head off for a repaint and had to look around — a mistake, I swear), and got tempted into spending money on things I do not need. -_- I know I will not be able to survive on long work hours and low pay. Actually, after having been employed for so long, I also know that I will not be able to work for a company that does not believe in work-life balance. Or if they don’t, one that doesn’t recognise your hard work and you end up working hard for nothing. I need the extra money because this time around (at my age, I should say), I not only need to pay off my study loan, but I also need to ensure I have savings to grow old on. And then I need to make sure I have money for my hobbies, because, in truth, that’s what makes me happy, and life ain’t really worth living if you aren’t happy, ne? Especially if you’re single and no one’s depending on you but yourself. Heh. So I’m gonna need to make sure I get a job that is in the right salary range for the type of work I do. >_< Definitely not going to be easy. The oil and gas companies are the best to go to, but they do have an age limit, and my grades aren’t the best, I’ll admit. *sigh*

So yeah, my main concern has been $_$. And a few of my colleagues have been giving me some advice about their experiences and some tips regarding the companies to look for. We all unanimously agree: no banks! *laughs* Depending on your luck, you could end up in a department which pulls in loads of OT (which you won’t get paid for) and the no-recognition-for-your-hard-work ethics. *wince* So yeah, at the moment, I’d decided to apply to any company I can think of once I get my transcript. And if I get no responses after a couple of months, I’ll write to the banks. T_T Haha. Thing is, the hiring period is really in December, so I might be looking at months without a job from July onwards. -_- Though with the shortage of staff, I’m pretty sure the company I’m interning at will grab me the moment they receive my letter. XD But yeah, 6 more months to go before the real worrying starts. Whee~! =D

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Windows installation report

Almost seven hours later, installing windows 7 is at the ‘installing updates’ section. Sadly, I only have 45 mins to wait for it before I have to pull the switch. *falls over* I’m quite close to finishing the install, but, I have no idea how much longer it’ll be and I have to give back the borrowed ram. Haha. Well, I can attempt another reinstall with my original ram laters. Also, for the next install, I’m giving up on the original dvd I have and am downloading another version of Win7 to try. -_- I’ll have to say, after cleaning up my pc, it no longer takes one whole day to read the stage where we currently are. XD

I think I should mention, Fopic’s current i5 version was put together by myself. Back when I first got it, under three years ago, I installed Windows 98 and had no problems. But the whole profile shit thing happened, which was why I decided to install Win7. When the install looked like it stuck the first time, I went and tried to reinstall Win98 again, and that’s when I realised it was taking hours too. So _something_ must be wrong.

The only thing I’d changed since the original setup was a different graphics card and adding two more harddisks. I can’t find my old graphics card anymore, and my cheapass motherboard doesn’t have an onboard one so I can’t remove it to see if that’s the problem. Unplugging my other two hdds hadn’t helped matters, and using different ram isn’t helping much either. So…my next attempt is to borrow someone’s graphic card and try it out. -_-

I wouldn’t mind buying a new graphics card if I need to, or a new motherboard. But again, the only issue is the $_$ involved. And considering that I’ve not even used my stupid pc as much as my laptop which was bought at the same time, it is quite pissing me off that I gotta get replacement parts for it. -_-

Oh, here’s my current workstation at home. XD

A while back, I was using the larger monitor as my extended desktop to watch drama with while working on my lappie. Hohoho. Right now, the stuff around the lappie are what I’m currently using/playing with. A 3ds, my ipod touch for my Smurfs, and on the right, 3ds games. XD More on those laters.

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